Possession
by Sangha
Summary: [COMPLETE] Parings: Seto x Serenity aka Shizuka [MAIN], Marik x Serenity. Told from Serenity's POV. Can you love differently? Can you really start over again? How far apart are love and pain? Warning: character death, physical abuse.
1. Chapter One

_I've got inspired to write this story by the movie "Closer" and I actually see it as some kind of tribute. The storyline's different, though. This is no copy of any scene but one or two idea, rotted in the film. Other than that, it's coming from my mind and my mind only. _

_There are some more influences of mine, though:_

"_The Virgin Suicides": a book, which simply influenced my writing style a bit._

"_Dear Joan" performed by Tabitha's Secret: the sadness and emotional background of this song influenced me quite a lot, as well as it inspired me. I wanted to recall the emotional sadness to go with the flow of expression of this story. The lyrics are stated on my livejournal._

_Genre: Drama / Romance / Angst_

_Warning: Character death / physical abuse_

_Pairing: SetoxSerenity / MarikxSerenity_

_I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or the characters of the anime. _

_Thank you for reading._

_Sangha._

**P o s s e s s i o n**

-

Chapter One 

-

I never really knew why I've fallen for Seto Kaiba.

I know how it all happened but not the reason why I should ever fall in love with him. It happened though. Never after Battle City I even wasted a single thought to him until I was 18 and graduated High School.

Finally, turning 18, I moved out of my mother's apartment, in with my brother, that meant living in Domino. Changing schools during my senior's year was a difficult choice I've made. I had to leave all my friends behind just to live with Joey. But I had friends in Domino, too—Joey's friends. They just were not my age.

Graduation day should be celebrated and my classmates threw a very big—monstrous—party on the beach. Of course I accepted the invitation; you only graduate High School once, if you do that is. My schoolmates had rent a house, we danced, we chatted, and we drank. The couples even did what normal young people do and locked themselves in certain rooms. I didn't go for that option.

Slightly, to pretty much drunk I was chatting with some girls when some guys approached us, taking us with them outside. I remember someone talking about that we were going to a haunted mansion but I didn't realize that they meant the Kaiba residence until I was standing in front of the big metal gates. Memories from Battle City crossed my mind while I was watching one of my mates throwing his empty beer can at the huge mansion. Another one picked up a stone and I was laughing my ass off when it hit one of Kaiba's stone statues of the Blue-Eyes White Dragon.

I found it so much fun that I picked up a stone myself and threw it. The noise of scattered glass reached my ears and throughout I was trying to figure out what was actually going on, I found myself suddenly all alone in front of the gates which slowly opened. Much too drunk and pretty clumsy I was looking around in panic. Of course, my mates had fled but unfortunately, they left me. Suddenly I was grabbed by my wrist and in my high state of panic, alcohol and shock, found myself at last in front of Seto Kaiba.

He was sitting at his desk, hands folded and glaring at me from behind strands of his chestnut hair. I assumed that we were in his office and so far my mind was working, Kaiba hadn't changed since Battle City.

-

_Flashback_

-

"Sit." He ordered and Serenity obeyed, taking the seat in front of his desk.

"Do you have anything to say to you own defense?" While he was talking, he seemed to clean his desk off papers, stuffing them into the drawers underneath.

"I...I'm sorry." Serenity couldn't think of anything else. She was guilty. Trying to avoid his gaze she almost started to sob.

"Oh please, don't cry." Slightly disgusted he hissed, then regained back to cold as usual. He was well aware of her confession when she said she was sorry. "I expect you to pay for the damage, of course. The window, such as this you've broken, costs with the work putting it in, I guess, something around 3000$."

Suddenly her gaze bolted upwards, meeting his azure blue eyes. A terrified look was sent out to the coldness of Kaiba's eyes but to no response.

"Please, I don't have much money. We need it for the rent, food and the taxes to study...I want to go to University! I can't pay this. I can't pay..." From desperate her voice traveled down to a whispering level.

"Then I've to tell you to the police. Certainly you're insured." Her gaze told him everything. "Okay, so you're not insured. What do I do with you now?" He leant back in his chair and rubbed his temples.

Serenity, meanwhile, sent him her best puppy eye look.

"I'm sorry, Kaiba, I... I didn't mean to break anything. Please don't tell me to the police."

"And what else do you expect me to do?" He coldly asked, sending an icy glare.

"Can't you just pay it yourself? I know you have enough money and well... please don't tell me to the police."

"You're repeating yourself." Stating these words he narrowed his eyes as if thinking. "Your begging reminds me of something. Have we met before?"

Caught surprised, the young woman blinked. He didn't know who she was?

"Wheeler."

Okay, so he knew, now. So what?

"You're Joey Wheeler's sister. I haven't seen you since Battle City, instead of your stupid brother. I've seen him way too often and just when I thought I'm finally rid of that dog, you come along, destroy willingly my property and cannot pay for the damage. I honestly don't know if I'm able to ignore that."

Serenity swallowed. Tears stung behind her eyes. Kaiba was right. She shouldn't have thrown that bloody stone. She was guilty.

"You are going to work off your debts." Like a judge he exclaimed the news. "That or the police? Your choice. I hear."

"Work off..." The auburn haired girl stammered, not really having a choice. And if she really thought about it, Kaiba even was nice to offer her working off her debts.

_-_

_End of flashback_

_-_

That's how I became Kaiba's personal assistant. I never really knew what I had to do until I was standing in front of him one day later. I supposed I would have to be a maid, a cook, a secretary, hell even a caretaker but not his personal assistant. When I heard the title I smiled. Later I found out what I had to do. Bring food, bring coffee, sort out papers, file papers, take down the trash, make notes, lick at envelopes (!), and shut my mouth while he was typing furiously in his notebook.

I had to do that over the whole, and my last, summer holidays before University was waiting for me. The job surely wasn't pleasant but during that time I learnt to know Seto Kaiba. I didn't talk to him pretty much, having to shut up all the time but I suddenly saw his true self, occasionally. Just when Mokuba was having troubles or he had a private phone call. He really didn't seem that bad. At times he would suddenly groan and shut down his notebook, just to look at me. If I asked what it was, he shrugged and asked back what should be. Sometimes he would put on the radio, very low of course. I'd never have imagined that he would listen to soft pop music during work.

I didn't really notice how my opinion of him changed during the weeks until it finally dawned on me. I had fallen for him. I was searching for the reason but finally gave up. Of course, he was attractive, his looks not hurting the eye, and sure he had his good side, even if only a few, but I could never make out a point why to love him. He still was mean most of the time. He was cold and acted selfish whenever he had the chance to. In the end I reasoned my love for him because of the whole secret surrounding him. He was a big secret. Ever been, to me at least. Still during that time.

I don't know what made me be brave enough to tell him.

-

Flashback

-

Kaiba yawned and blinked several times. The screen seemed to sway. Darting his gaze from off his notebook he looked at his female assistant, sitting cross-legged on the carpet in front of a cupboard, surrounded by sheets of paper.

"Serenity, stuff the papers away and go home. It's late. But before you do, bring me another cup of coffee, yeah?" Then he reached for his tie and pulled it loosely. "That thing kills me one day."

The girl let out a short breath of laughter. "And here I was thinking you loved these things."

A mixture of surprise and amusement glinted in his blue eyes. "Necessary details. Why should I love them?"

"I was just guessing. You seem like been born with a tie around your neck, working 24/7. It's good to know that there are still things left you don't like about your work." She smiled, kind of cheeky this time.

"I'm human, after all." He smirked, sort of friendly. A proper smile wasn't in store with Seto Kaiba. "Now would you do what I've asked you to?"

A nod followed her actions before she went to bring some coffee. When she came back, she put down the cup of coffee in front of him and quickly tidied the ground from off her papers, closing the cupboard afterwards. She turned to see Kaiba in his chair staring ahead on his desk. He softly sighed seemingly deep in thoughts, caused by whatever troubled him, and she couldn't help her smile.

Serenity was hovering next to the chair and didn't know whether to sit down or not when his eyes send a questioning look.

"What is it?"

"Nothing really. I just thought that it may be nice talking." She nervously stated.

Kaiba shrugged. "Talk."

An awkward silence followed because Serenity had no idea what to talk about. The weather! It was already dark outside. With a deep breath she slowly went to the window. You could see half Domino from there. The lights from the haven, the many apartment buildings, in one of them she was living. And you could see the coast, of course, not far away. The moonlight was glistening in the ocean.

"I'm in love with you."

If she hadn't gazed out of the window she would have seen how Kaiba's eyes widened in surprise. But he remained cool, not changing his position in his chair, staring ahead.

"I doubt your sanity." He said low but steady.

"I know it sounds stupid and I don't even know a good reason why I should be in love with you. I don't expect anything, not to mention you replying to my feelings. I don't even know why I tell you this. I just have these feelings and don't know what to do with them. I was searching for the reason but haven't found any. All that I damn well know is that I've fallen in love with you." Mindlessly she kept talking but her gaze was drowning in the ocean. She didn't want to look at him, she knew, he would be sitting there in his chair, looking as if she was insane.

Maybe she was.

Slightly startled she suddenly realized the two arms snaking around her waist from behind and looked at the glass of the window that mirrored Kaiba's figure. It was no dream, he was there.

"You don't know what you're getting yourself into, not even I know. Involving with me could mean anything. Aren't you scared?" He asked low but she could sense the doubts he had in himself.

She shook her head. "I don't know if I should be scared." She covered his hands with her own. They seemed so small against his. She then closed her eyes for a moment, soothing in the warmth of his embrace.

Kaiba bent down and kissed the girl's neck, tightening his embrace for a short while before he finally let go of her. She turned around quickly, taking his hands into hers.

"Allow me to love you."

The tall brown haired gazed deep into her hazel eyes and nodded.

-

_End of flashback_

_-_

End of chapter one.


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two 

-

That was the beginning of something, what I call it, wonderful. I would have never imagined how good it was to be with Seto. Little did I know how wonderful this person could be. Of course, he didn't make a u-turn in his personality, he still was mean and selfish most of the time, but what no one really knew, he wasn't 24/7 and therefore, I've got to learn the soft side of a supposed to be cold-hearted man.

For one thing, Seto wasn't predictable. He liked catching me unaware. Sometimes he would just show up behind me when I didn't expect it the most. But he was a gentle person who showed me love. I had been with some guys before, even Tristan but that wasn't the same. I didn't let them really near me. Just a simple touch, like when holding hands, could be too much. With Seto my hand automatically sought for his, I couldn't help it.

I never realized that I changed Seto's life, though. It never dawned on me that slowly I was becoming everything to him. He built his whole world around me. He made no decision without thinking of me. I was standing all above everything else. I didn't realize in the first place.

_Everything_. A big word.

Our relationship was building itself further and further. I wasn't his personal assistant anymore but I enjoyed just being around him, even if he was working madly. I was at University by autumn and used to study at his home in the evenings most of the time. Life was as most comfortable as it could have been.

Seto Kaiba was the first person ever who was allowed making love to me and I won't regret that. I remember that we were talking about ex lovers and I was blushing furiously when I told him that I was still, well, innocent. He took it with a smile. A proper one, very rare. He wasn't openly talking about his past lovers but I knew so far that he had had a few. It didn't really matter to me.

_-_

_Flashback_

_-_

Seto gazed up from his notebook watching the girl on his bed. Serenity was lying on her stomach, a huge book lying in front of her, making notes with a pencil which she used to pad continuously on her book during reading. Seto silently made his way to the girl and flopped himself next to her on the bed.

Slightly startled she gazed at him in surprise. She hadn't seen him coming.

"That's some bullshit you're trying to study." He commented seeing the pages in her book.

"Nice vocabulary." She stated darting her eyes back to her book. "That's art. Did you know that your whole mansion is built in Roman style?"

"Did you know that you're beautiful?" Choosing to ignore her question he closed the distance between them and rolled her on her back, with himself on top. His fingers graced along her jaw line before he bent down to kiss her. His hand moved along her arms down to her waist, hovering at the hem of her shirt before he snaked his fingers underneath. His lips moved to her neck, loving the feel of especially that skin.

"Seto, I've got to study." The young woman said softly pushing her boyfriend until he looked up annoyed.

"You always say that." He commented, monotone.

"Because it's true." She replied with a smile while her hands brushed through strands of his chestnut hair.

"Yeah, and all the other excuses you come up with." He smirked before he leant down until their noses almost touched. His gaze softened. "I want to make love to you. And I mean properly."

She knew that he wanted to show her his love and after they had been together for nearly three months now, she could understand that he slowly got impatient.

"I know." She smiled. "And we will. Soon. Right now, I really got to study, I've got exams tomorrow."

"Hm." With a silent groan he got off her and climbed off the bed. "I'm taking a shower." With that he left.

Serenity wasn't able to study anymore and she knew that he deserved what he longed for. She wanted it too but the scary person she was held back her passion so far.

When Seto appeared back from his shower he was only clad in his usual black trousers but no shirt. His hair still wet, he had a towel around his shoulders that he used to dry off his hair after entering his bedroom again before he let the towel mindlessly fall on the floor. Opening his wardrobe he was looking for a shirt. He was looking adoringly sexy and of course, the girl highly felt attracted to him.

Shutting her books she laid them down on the ground and moved to her boyfriend's side. He turned to look at her with raised eyebrows while she let her hands wander in a mere touch across his chest around his neck.

"What if you just leave off a shirt?"

Kaiba smiled realizing the seductive look in her big eyes and bent down to kiss her. His arms wrapped themselves around her, tight, no space between their bodies and soon he laid her down into the softness of his bed. Desperately wanting to show her how much she meant to him, he kissed and touched Serenity the most gentle he had ever touched anything. Like he was handling a doll of porcelain that could break any moment.

That night she wouldn't break, not in his hands. She embraced what was waiting for her.

_-_

_End of flashback_

_-_

No regrets.

It wasn't about sex. It was about sharing intimacy in love. I can honestly say that what I've experienced with Seto, I felt as one of the most wonderful things in my life. Of course, it wasn't always like that. As in every relationship routine came also but I can't say that I ever hadn't felt loved within his arms. It wasn't always special but always caring.

Another prospect of our relationship was my brother. Of course, he had his problems with Kaiba being my boyfriend but being everything to Kaiba, he was trying to get along with Joey. He fought for me and his own position as my boyfriend even when it came to my family. His family was no problem. Mokuba was a sweet guy with a pure heart. He loved his brother dearly anyway and I guess he always liked me.

But don't imagine our life as just lovely and beautiful, which certainly was it not. Seto Kaiba was still Seto Kaiba, a person who was moody, mean in his choice of words, selfish when it came to material things and all in all I liked to call him 'my god of arrogance'. Every other day we had a row over something. He would get nerved by my social behaviour and idealistic attitude and I would cry when he got mean and was selfishly talking about anyone.

I remember like it was yesterday when we had our first anniversary. Seto was supposed to pick me up at seven in the evening, so that we could go for dinner and have a nice evening. I've even bought him a neck chain with an oriental sign showing the letters of his first name in between a figure of a dragon. But finally, when the clock showed nine, I was still waiting for Mr. Kaiba and fuming by the way. I decided to check where that bastard of a boyfriend had been!

Approaching the Kaiba mansion I stomped inside until I reached his office and pushed the doors open. There he was. Sitting as usual on his damn desk and typing on his notebook. I should have known.

_-_

_Flashback_

_-_

"So this is how important I am to you!" Serenity shrieked upon seeing Seto, who slowly gazed up at her and sighed, annoyed. But she wasn't finished.

"You were supposed to pick me up at seven and now it is half past nine, and where are you? Sitting on your ass in front of your damn fing notebook! That's really nice! Couldn't you at least call?"

Seto growled at her raging presence. "I don't have time for this now, Serenity."

"You don't have time for _this _now? This? I am a 'this', huh? I thought this day would be as special for you as it is for me but it seems like I was wrong. You don't care in the slightest."

"Damn it Serenity!" He slammed his flat hand on his desk. "No! I do not care_ right now_, got that?"

Tears stung behind her eyes when she rummaged through her bag and pulled out the present she had bought for Kaiba.

"You are such a mean bastard." She hissed as disgusted as she was by him at the moment.

"Well, surprise, surprise! You've known that before, darling! I told you I'm not the easiest to get along with and now, that you realize you can't handle me, maybe I'm not the right person for you. We are just... too different, I suppose." He calmly turned back to the screen of his notebook.

"If you say so." She hissed already in tears and threw the package at Kaiba, in result hitting his shoulder and falling on his notebook. He was ready to bite her head off but she was already gone.

The young woman wasn't far away. She had run straight to the next door outside, needing fresh air, and was now standing on some balcony. The view was breathtaking as always. It was a clear summer night and therefore, even for summer slightly cold. The wind blew softly and Serenity shuddered, dressed in only a short top. She watched like so often the ocean, how the waves crashed against the stony coast. She hugged herself and thought about the latest events.

Would it always be like that? Would they ever keep fighting over partly ridiculous things?

She hated it when Seto was like that. But she loved him though and it hurt. Her inner self clenched inside from the pain she was feeling, every time they had a row. How could he even say that? Yes, they were different. But that should not keep them from loving each other and they did love each other, didn't they? Seto did. She just knew it. And she did love him. So why couldn't they stop fighting?

How much longer were they able to take that until one of them would stop loving the other? Maybe he was right and she was fooling herself all the time. How could he say so easily, that he wasn't the right person for her? He was cold and he didn't care as much as she did. She would do the same. She wouldn't care anymore. And if he ever left her, then it should have been. Then it was their destiny. But to keep herself from tearing apart, she had to stop caring so much.

Another wave of cool air hit her skin when her sad eyes watched the night. The beautiful night. Seto was like the night. Dark and cold. Beautiful and soothing. Scary and mysterious. Wonderful and protective. She sighed silently when her tears had finally faded but also heard someone come outside. She supposed, and hoped, that it would be Seto. But she also feared it might be him and he might say, that she should finally leave his life. He would never say that. Her mind knew but her heart was so confused and scared.

Two arms wrapped themselves around her from behind and she felt the soothing pressure of Kaiba's body against hers. He bent his head down till his face was almost hidden in the crook of her neck. Tightly he held her against himself, as if he was afraid she would vanish in his embrace.

"I love you." He whispered in a sincere voice. "Don't leave me, ever."

Serenity could feel his unsteady breathing, a sign of his shaking feelings. She turned and swung her arms around him, hugging him. Her head was resting against his chest and she listened to his unsteady heartbeat while he was tightening his embrace around her again.

"You won't get rid of me, whatever you do." She said.

-

End of flashback

-

End of chapter two.


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three 

-

Seto's company had almost lost a million dollar that day. Why he didn't tell me in the first place, I don't know but it had been always things like that making us to end up fighting.

I was always scared to lose Seto but I never considered that he was also scared to lose me. I meant every single word when I told him that he won't get rid of me. He actually never got rid of me. Not the way it should have been. I never wanted to leave him either. I never even thought about it.

All I thought about was that I never wanted him to leave me. He never did. He was happy with me though I also wasn't the easiest person to handle. I expected so much from him, so much from the broken soul he hid inside of him. He would have given me anything but I never saw how hard that was for him. I was light-heartedly walking into our relationship, wanted the most and the best out of it. He was just happy I stood by him.

Until that fateful day.

I was on a shopping trip in Domino while my dear boyfriend was, again, working. I had the day off and it was a beautiful and sunny day in spring when I was heading down the paths through our city. Two huge bags I had already filled with new clothes for me and to feel better, to be honest, I bought a tie for Seto. Not that he ever loved them. I wasn't thinking I suppose.

Suddenly a man was shouldering me, not on purpose, I could tell by the way he immediately bent down to put up the bag that had fallen down. When he handed the bag to me and smiled, apologizing friendly, I immediately recognized his violet eyes, the light blond hair and the sun tanned skin.

Marik Ishtar was never one of my favorite peoples to have contact with and that's why I didn't say anything, just stared at him as if I've seen a ghost. All I could remember was the guy who almost killed my brother and hurt some of my friends so badly. He sent a shiver down my spine.

_-_

_Flashback_

_-_

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. Are you okay?" He asked friendly but to no response. Then he furrowed his brows in thought. "Do I know you? Haven't you been on the battle ship, six years ago?"

"Um… yes." She swallowed and cursed herself for answering.

"Right, you're Joey's little cute sister." He smiled and stretched out his hand. "Marik. Don't you remember?"

Serenity stared at the hand before she reluctantly took it. It felt warm and soft. She smiled.

"I do."

"What's your name? I'm afraid I've forgotten."

"Serenity."

"Nice to meet you again Serenity." He gave another adoring smile. The girl nearly blushed, having a hard time to suppress it. "Let me carry this for you, where are you going?" Taking the bags from her he raised his eyebrows, still having these tattoos beneath his eyes.

"Home actually." After all, Marik had been nice in the end of Battle City. He wanted to be friends with the clique.

"Can I join your walk? That is you walk? Do you?" He had a weird way to express himself. Egypt. But he was nice and she couldn't help the smile.

"Course. How come you are in Domino after such a long time?"

"My sister has another one of her exhibitions in the Domino museum and I joined her this time. After all those years I liked to see you and your friends again, though, I admit, I'm a bit scared. I wasn't the nicest person to meet those days. That has changed, you know? My siblings and I are very serious about Egypt history and exhibit this culture."

"Oh, that sounds interesting. I admit being afraid at first but… you know, so far I see you're really nice." Typical Serenity, being over-honest.

"Thanks. Maybe you'd like to see the exhibition?"

"Yeah, I'd love to. I'm studying art, you know? I think it should be quite interesting to watch."

"Art? Well, that suits." He grinned. "Do you think Yugi won't mind, if I pay him a visit? I'd really like to meet the pharaoh for a chat, my sister too, of course."

"I don't think he'd mind. He'd certainly be glad seeing you again. I can tell you his address, if you like. He's living with Tea now, you know?"

"Oh, now that doesn't surprise me. Well, what about you? Do you have a boyfriend? You surely must have one, you're really pretty. Who's the lucky guy? Do I know him?"

"Actually, yes you do."

"Then let me guess, you're with that guy… what's his name? Tristan?"

Serenity shook her head. "I was but not anymore."

"Then it's certainly the other one, that raven haired guy."

"Duke, no." Again she shook her head with a wry smile.

"No? Well, Bakura!"

"No, certainly not."

"Then I don't get it. Who's it?"

"Um…it's Seto Kaiba." Feeling slightly embarrassed for the first time in her life confessing who her boyfriend was, Serenity blushed.

"Kaiba?" Clearly a surprise to Marik. "Well, he must be very nice if he's got a girl like you. Has he changed? I don't mean to be impolite but… well, he didn't seem like a ladies man all those years ago. Never mind. Maybe you both like to see our exhibitions?"

"Sure." Not very sure she said this word. Seto wasn't into art und history. He would go insane someday if anyone would ever mention him being a reincarnation again. "How long will you be staying in Domino?"

"One or two months will be needed I suppose." He truthfully answered.

Approaching Serenity's home she stopped.

"Here I live."

"Oh." Marik put down the bags and smiled, gazing into her big hazel eyes. Then he sighed when his smile faded.

Serenity didn't know what to say. What was the meaning of that look of his? She should know too soon. Marik's hand slid up to her chin and slightly lifting it she saw what was to come. The young woman couldn't turn away, neither had the will power. What was wrong with her?

Then their both lips met and Marik gently kissed her in a feather light manner. It felt soft and just nearly a touch. But his lips stayed where they didn't belong. Serenity regained her senses and pushed him off, too gentle.

"I'm with someone."

Marik blinked.

"Sorry, I know. I just can't help it. You're so beautiful."

Serenity blinked.

"But…"

"I know, you're with Seto Kaiba. One lucky guy. Never mind, just forget what happened. I'm sorry. I'll see you at our exhibition. Good bye." He waved when he was walking back to the street and down.

_-_

_End of flashback_

_-_

What had I done? And how should I know how fateful this should end? I decided to do what he said and just forget about the kiss. It didn't mean anything. I didn't even want to kiss him. He kissed me! The thing was, I just couldn't forget it. I didn't tell Seto about the meeting with Marik Ishtar. When he mentioned that Ishizu was in town, I just shrugged. How bad was I?

Strangely, I found myself two weeks later in the museum at the Ishtar's exhibition. I was watching an Egypt sculpture when his voice, penetratingly, greeted me again.

Marik.

_-_

_Flashback_

_-_

"This one is from Osiris. Did you know that he was Seth's brother?"

Serenity smirked, as weird as it was.

"Yes, and Seth killed him, cutting his brother in pieces."

"Oh, you're informed I see. Well, then let me show you something else." He guided her into a locked room and switched on the lights. "Here it is, my personal favorite. The statue of Ra, the original pharaoh."

"It's breath taking." It was in her opinion and she liked watching it, at least until she noticed Marik staring at her.

"No, you are." He said and kissed her. This time it was also gentle and soft but with passion and longing.

With strength and the stubbornness of a Wheeler she pushed him away and angrily gazed up at him.

"I told you, I'm with someone!"

"I know. Just tell me that you don't long for me and I will get lost."

_-_

_End of flashback_

_-_

I exactly know why I had fallen for Marik Ishtar.

He was a nice and gentle person who was charming and good looking. He complimented me not just on my looks, but also on my knowledge about art and culture. He spent all of his time with me and he was interested in the things I did. And I mean everything. And I was interested in everything about him and what he did. He was Egypt and therefore, his simple presence was capturing my mind more and more every day.

Marik was easy to get along with for Joey and all of my friends. He too had a nice family, his siblings Ishizu who stood by me during the Battle Ship when I was watching over Mai. Odion also was a nice guy who was very intelligent by the way. Marik often made jokes about him and his lecture but he never minded. The youngest of the Ishtar siblings was a passionate man who loved to try out things, to travel the world and have fun with other people.

And he loved me dearly.

After three months the Ishtars finally broke off their exhibition and were to go back to Egypt. It had been longer than they had even thought it would take but as every good thing must come to an end, so was their visit. I was sad about it, of course, but also glad he'd go, so I could stop lying to Seto.

But it should come else. Marik asked me to come with him. Two options. I could stay and forget him, be happy with Seto and live with the guilt. Or I could join him on his journey and wouldn't have to face Seto by possibly staying in Domino. What was I supposed to do?

I went to the Kaiba mansion as usual and found Seto reading the paper in his living room.

_-_

_Flashback_

_-_

"Hey." His azure eyes gazed up from his paper when Serenity entered the room. "Where have you been so long?"

"I was out with friends." She lied as usual.

"Mh." His eyes darted back to the paper and the woman sighed.

"I'm in love with someone else."

Seto didn't even look up and kept staring at his paper but she could see how his eyes got empty.

"I didn't mean to but it happened though." She patiently waited for a reaction. "And I will leave Domino."

"Who is it?" His deep voice asked menacingly but still he hid his eyes.

"Does that matter?"

"Yes, it does!" He fumed at her and when suddenly his look met hers she could see the anger inside.

"Marik Ishtar." She answered truthfully in a low voice trying not to start crying. It wouldn't help anyway.

"How?" He looked at the woman, this time sad.

"I don't know, really, we met and fell in love. We meet for about three months. I'm sorry Seto."

"Did you sleep with him?"

Serenity couldn't believe why the hell this would matter. The question was ridiculous in her mind and she wondered if she really needed to answer. His gaze demanded for an answer, though.

"Yes." Simple but honest.

"Was it good?" His eyes filled with hatred and disgust he hissed those words at the woman he loved.

Serenity just looked at him in shock and also slightly disgusted. Anger overcame herself.

"Yes! Are you pleased now?" She almost screamed.

"Leave my house." He growled at her.

The woman gazed at him as if she couldn't decide if he really meant it. That was too easy. On the other hand she just should do what he wanted. She had broken up their relationship. She sighed in an angry manner and turned to head out the door.

_-_

_End of flashback_

-

End of chapter three.


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four 

-

I don't know what happened with Seto after I left him. What I know is that I rushed angrily home and when I finally arrived I broke down crying. My anger had faded and guilt was coming through. I had broken Seto's heart. Me, the innocent Serenity, the girl who was good. Was I not?

I called Marik and he supported me. I didn't even care about Seto anymore and within the next days I had taken a break from my study and flew with Marik and his siblings to Egypt. Whenever my mind even tried to think of Seto, I forced myself to think of something else. Later, very much later, I heard from Joey how Kaiba must have been after I had left him.

Joey told me, he once met him during a tournament where he should be a special guest because of Kaiba Corporation sponsoring the Duel Disks but Seto didn't challenged in the battle itself. Joey had asked him how he had been but he just shrugged him off, wanting to be left alone. Also, he told me, Kaiba was looking like shit. Those were his exact words but coming from Joey, Kaiba always looked like that.

It was finally Tea who I believed in the end. She had talked to Mokuba who said that Seto was now really working 24/7, sleeping at Kaiba Corp and only available at the cell phone. It was then when I really felt guilty. That must have been after I came back to Domino almost twelve weeks after I went. I wanted to attend University again and Marik had decided to take over their family business in Domino. Only for me. He would organize more exhibitions for Ishizu.

Marik and I were looking for an apartment together and soon found some really nice one in the west of Domino. It was small but we both loved it and stuffed it full of souvenirs of our journeys. We haven't been just in Egypt where he showed me his home, their traditions, land and sights. We have also visited Greece where I had learnt very much about their Gods and history, as also in Italy. Europe was fascinating for the both of us.

We loved traveling and I guess, I had one of the happiest times of my life with Marik. But being back in Domino I had to move out with Joey, which wasn't that bad after all, my replacement being Mai Valentine. But moving out of my original apartment I found many memories of Seto. I just threw them away. But it reminded me of something else. Something necessary. I needed to get back lots of things that were still in the Kaiba mansion.

They weren't replaceable and therefore, I went to get them back. I should have listened to Joey when he warned me not to go but my stubborn self said, that it should be good by now. I had forgotten about the hurt breaking up with Seto and he should have too. I called his secretary, she should tell him about me arriving in the evening at his house. That should do. It didn't occur to me why I haven't told him myself. Maybe I was too much of a coward. But I shrugged it off, just being polite not to call him. I hadn't the priority anymore. I was like one of all the others. At least I had thought so.

The house seemed empty of any Kaiba when I was led in by his butler. I rushed up the stairs to Seto's bedroom and opened the wardrobe. Like I had expected, nothing was changed. It still held my things inside the way I had left them. Carefully I lifted them out and packed them in the bag I had brought with me.

I didn't notice Seto standing in the door, watching me in silence.

_-_

_Flashback_

_-_

Serenity took another bunch of her things when she noticed a shirt and unfolded it. She had been wearing that at night when she would sleep within Seto's bed. It had a picture of a cute little fairy on its front and she smiled remembering Seto's first impression of that shirt.

"_Innocent."_

"_What's that supposed to mean?" She pulled a face._

"_It shows off your innocence." He calmly answered._

Innocent. She wasn't innocent anymore, not in the slightest.

"Innocent."

Serenity was startled by the familiar deep voice and her eyes darted upwards, meeting the sight of Seto who was leaning against the door frame, arms crossed, usual manner.

"Take it. It doesn't remind me of you anymore." Cold.

"I will anyway." She countered and put it immediately in the bag.

Kaiba smirked and pushed himself off the frame, slowly walking over to the woman, who was packing her things.

"You're looking good, a bit too tanned." Ha said calmly and she couldn't help her questioning gaze when Seto was standing in front of her. "This necklace doesn't suit you, you know? It's somehow not you." He remarked about the necklace she had brought from Egypt.

"Do you say that because it's from Marik?" She asked annoyed yet suspiciously.

"How should I even know that?" Speaking low and calm he reached for her wrist and lifted it, his thumb playing with the silver arm chain there. "That's you."

Her big hazel eyes sought for answers in the depth of his ocean blue eyes. She couldn't tear her gaze away. The arm chain was small and cheap, a bit childish with tiny hearts dangling from it.

"It's a present from Joey." She said, remembering that it was a gift for her 14th birthday, long before Seto.

"I know. You once told me." Seto let go of the chain and dropped his gaze. "It was when I asked you about it and said that it was looking childish."

"I'm impressed you remember, but anyway, thanks for reminding me what you think of my brother's gifts." She snapped. He nodded in agreement.

"You're right. How are you?"

Serenity could almost hear the still remaining hurt within his soul in his voice. She shouldn't have come here.

"Fine." She replied and in an attempt to be polite she made the mistake with her next question. As if she had pulled on a straw that trigger him into more pain. "How are you?"

Silence.

Then, after what seemed like an awful long time in awkwardness, he grabbed her hands and pulled her closer. In her own surprise she just gazed up into his eyes.

"Come back to me, Serenity, I need you. I forgive everything what you did and we begin new. I love you, don't you know that?" The desperation in his voice pained Serenity.

Suddenly everything hit her like thunder and lightning. She had never cared about him after she had gone. He was still heart broken and in love with her. How could she think otherwise?

"Seto, please, I'm sorry but…" She was in love with someone else.

"Don't say that. You still love me, don't you?" His eyes desperately sought for the answer he wanted to hear her say.

But all Serenity could do, was tear her gaze away from him.

"We've been through this. Just leave it." She almost begged avoiding his gaze.

Seto immediately let go of the woman's hands and sighed, slightly annoyed. Of course the pain was there and he felt it more than anything else but he used to switch it into anger instead. He once even smashed his duel disk thinking of her and even if he knew how stupid that had been, he couldn't help it.

"You want me to leave you alone, you and… _him_!" He asked bitterly but calm. "Fine, I will leave the two of you alone. For just one condition, Serenity. Do you want to hear it?"

Slowly her eyes flickered upwards to her ex boyfriend's azure blue ones. She nodded, not sure if she really wanted to hear it. Another mistake was done and Seto quickly snaked his arms around her waist, bringing her close. Then he lent down, close to her ear and inhaled slowly. She wanted to push him away but she got no further than to lay her hands upon his chest in a miserably failing attempt.

"Stay the night with me, Serenity." Whispering his request, it sent a shiver down her spine.

"I… I can't. That's ridiculous." She replied and found the strength to push lightly but yet not strong enough. He didn't hold her tight, nor was he violent in any way. It was just the familiarity of his arms around her.

"No, it's not. It's a request. Just stay the night with me. That's all I'm asking of you. After that I will never ever bug you or him again. I promise to leave you alone. Just stay this night here with me and by dawn you'll be rid of me." He begged and let his breath tickle the skin of her neck on purpose.

Serenity thought about it. He would leave them alone for the rest of their lives and she was off of all the guilt she was feeling about cheating on Seto. But it would be a cheat on Marik. But wasn't it also a gift for the both of them? A tribute? What damage could one night do?

_-_

_End of flashback_

_-_

I stayed that night with Seto and he was as gentle as he always had been when we were in love.

He still was.

Willingly I let myself get kissed by him. Willingly I let myself get laid down on his bed with him. And willingly I let him make love to me.

I was passive at first but I guess it was the familiarity of his touches that made me want to touch him, too. He kissed me the way he had used too, caressing the skin of my neck with his lips. His touches sent fire to my desperate skin and I was back in the days where we had been started.

We. Seto and I. For just one night.

He was holding me the way he had used to within his strong arms while we were making love.

I kissed him the way I knew would drive him wild.

I touched him all the places I knew he liked.

I left his back bruised from my finger nails when he was upon me.

And I moaned his name when we were both sharing that special moment for the last time.

I knew he didn't want to close his eyes when I was lying within his arms, words stayed unspoken that night. His breath tickled me when he was spooning me from behind and his arms hugged me as if he never wanted to let go. He would let go of me of course and that was the only reason I was finally able to close my eyes and get some sleep.

In the morning I got dressed and kissed him good bye. He was still sleeping. On the nightstand by his side laid the necklace I had once given him to our first anniversary. I don't know why but I took it and stuffed it into my pocket.

I went back to our apartment and opened the door, slowly walking into the still unfamiliar rooms. Marik was sitting at the table in the kitchen and stared at me when I sat down opposite him.

_-_

_Flashback_

_-_

"Where have you been the whole night?"

"I've got my things back from Seto." She replied, not really answering his question.

"I was asking you about the whole night. Have you been with him the whole damn night?" He was angered, Serenity could tell and she avoided his gaze. She felt guilty looking into those faithful violet eyes.

"Yes." She couldn't lie. "He will leave the two of us alone, now, forever."

"What do you mean?" Marik hissed at her in confusion and disgust.

"I mean, that I was with him in order to make him realize to leave us alone. Both of us. He's still in love with me. We can live now here in Domino with no need to care about him."

"Well, I don't care about him, _you_ do! So what if he's still in love with you?"

"He is Seto Kaiba, damn. He's able to everything and I want to live with you without being afraid he could harm us." Serenity tried to make her boyfriend see.

Silence. That's probably what scared the woman the most, always has.

"Did you sleep with him?"

Serenity had no clue why he even came to the conclusion but he was right, wasn't he? And she was weak and sorry. She hadn't done anything wrong. But her eyes spoke the truth when they met the penetrating gaze of her lover.

"I can't believe it." He stammered and stood up walking around in anger. "You make me sick! I can't breathe here. I need air."

Serenity heard the slamming of the door and Marik was gone. She broke down in tears and also in hope he would come back and forgive her. But he didn't. Instead, that evening Joey came to visit her and when he saw her tearstained face he immediately knew something was wrong. She wasn't crying anymore and sat down on her sofa, Joey next to her with a questioning gaze on his face.

"What's happened?"

Serenity didn't look at him.

"I was at Kaiba's place to get back my things."

Suddenly there were so many questions in Joey's mind. Was she still in love with Kaiba? Did he hurt her? What was wrong?

"Did he do anything?" A good question to start with. Neutral.

"He asked me to stay the night with him." She truthfully answered. "He said he'd leave me and Marik alone if I did. Just one night I should spend with him."

Joey didn't dare to ask the unavoidable question. Instead he pulled his sister close to him and hugged her comfortingly.

"I still love Seto."

That was a confession to the both of them. Joey was shocked and couldn't believe his ears but Serenity, on the other hand, wasn't so shocked after all. She knew it all along. She didn't love him like in the days before Marik; she loved him as a piece of her heart she would always treasure. She didn't want to think of him, being afraid it would make her cry. Last night she had to face him and they had shared that night making love.

But Serenity also loved Marik. She loved him so much, she had everything she ever needed with him, they were happy. She was destroying that right now.

"I'm bad. At first, I've hurt Seto, cheated on him with Marik. Then I've hurt Marik because I'm weak, too weak being around Seto." She finally broke down crying on her brother who held her tight like only a brother could do.

_-_

_End of flashback_

_-_

When Marik came back the next day he broke up with me. I wouldn't have expected anything else but my hope was always somewhat extremely strong and I honestly thought he'd forgive me. I was so disappointed in myself and confused of the latest events that I supposed it would be better to do as he said. I moved out.

I moved back in with Joey, my old room wasn't even empty so far and Mai slept in Joey's room anyway. She hadn't a problem with me but I needed to look for a new apartment. I shoved this away from me, still in hope Marik would forgive me someday. I was sure he would but I had no clue how long it would take. I heard that he flew back to Egypt but I also knew he had to come back eventually because of the business he had accepted in Domino.

I felt heart broken. I felt confused. I felt miserable. I was lonely. I needed comfort.

Then, another one of those days I was drowning in my self-pity, Joey took me to a duellist tournament where he was supposed to be part of the challenge. It didn't really cross my mind that I would meet Seto there but I did. My seat was on an A-tribune because of Joey being one of the top duellists Domino had to offer and I thoroughly enjoyed watching him, almost forgotten the latest events, when a deep voice rang in my ears.

_-_

_Flashback_

_-_

"So many years passed but he still takes part in these tournaments. Even Yugi refuses."

Seto.

Serenity turned to see him talking to his brother. He was standing arms crossed arrogantly as usual at the rail on the tribune and watched the duel. Mokuba, now an almost grown up, was by his brother's side like he was still the small kid from Battle City, just that he was much taller. He used to bind his long raven hair into a ponytail and had developed into a handsome guy many girls had their eyes on.

The auburn haired woman smiled by the thought and didn't notice their both glances until she stared into the blue eyes of Seto.

She stood up to close the gap between them.

"Why don't you take part in the tournament, Seto? You've been always up for a challenge as long as I can remember." Serenity smiled friendly. Inside, she was nervous.

"Hmph!" Typical Kaiba, he replied. "I'm still up for a challenge, just show me one." He smirked amused. It was almost that old half-smile that Serenity once had fallen for.

"So you're pouting because Yugi doesn't take part in the competition." She lightly laughed by the grin of Mokuba who was obviously thinking the same.

"I never pout. Girls pout." He remarked dryly and sent his gaze back to Joey. "Your brother's a good promotion for the tournament, though. He's certainly happy to have you watching."

Her look shifted to Joey. She guessed he was happy she was watching. He had often begged her but time hadn't allowed her to show up. Time for her boyfriends, at that time.

"Where's Marik?"

The question she didn't want to become asked, of course, had to be asked. Though, she had hoped Seto would not have the guts to ask, not to mention to voice out _his_ name.

"We split up."

_-_

_End of flashback_

_-_

Reluctantly I went back to Seto. I still loved him and I wanted to be with someone I loved. That was him, wasn't he? Of course, he was happy I finally came back to him. He was as lovely as ever when it came down to I and I could feel his love hadn't faltered, if not instead even grown. He loved me to bits and I loved him, too.

But we both had changed.

I didn't see how I had changed at first. I only saw Seto and his ever present jealousy that was driving me mad more and more every day. The slightest joke or just one word could make him become quiet, thoughtful and well, strange. When we were in public he suspiciously followed my every step with his piercing gaze.

He didn't trust me anymore. He wanted to, I can tell, he forced himself to do so. But he actually couldn't and that was entirely my fault. Unfortunately at that point I didn't realize.

Like the changes in me. The days staying inside of his mansion were making me sick. I couldn't see the good side in boringly reading a book while he was typing furiously on his notebook. I often commented quite hurtful to his statements, which I hadn't minded at all two years ago. Often I just heard him sighing annoyed and walk off, just to come back with better mood in an attempt to be a better boyfriend.

Often I was thinking back to Marik and how much fun we had. I often wondered what he was doing by now. I knew he still had our apartment and he was back in Domino. But he refused talking to me ever again. Not that I tried. Strangely I wasn't afraid of thinking back to the days with Marik like it had been with Seto.

However, Seto could tell I was depressed and he tried anything in his power. That wasn't much. He was a soul that had so much to offer but not when it came to being, well, nice. It's somehow difficult to explain but it was never an easy thing to him showing any feelings or emotions. Rarely laughing himself, how should he make someone else even smile? He was hoping that he could do that with asking me to marry him.

He held the ring out to me and asked me to be his wife. I smiled wryly and nodded. As if I was the queen allowing her slave to kiss her feet. I was the one who had changed. Seto nevertheless placed the ring on my finger and commented this with that I was going to be finally his. The day of our marriage should be our third anniversary. The time we were separated didn't count. And with the day arriving closer and closer I got more and more moody.

Seto seemed almost obsessed with the idea of me being his wife, finally, and I was getting sick by his obsession. It should come else, how were we supposed to know?

Three weeks before our wedding I came home late, having done overdue time on University. Seto was waiting for me in the living room.

_-_

_Flashback_

_-_

"You're home, finally. I've been waiting for you." He said and kissed his soon to be wife on her cheek. "Where have you been so long?"

"We've been to a lecture in the museum. A European artist is exhibiting his works there. It was quite funny."

He took that in with his usual suspicion.

"I won't be home for long. We're going to meet him later for a discussion about his works." Serenity said walking to the bedroom in order to get her clothes changed.

"You won't go. I need to sort out things about the wedding with you."

She hadn't even noticed him following her.

"Can't this wait till tomorrow?" She sighed annoyed.

"No." Seto answered and crossed his arms. "Why should this be important to you? You've already seen what that idiot has to offer and now I think our wedding is more important than any monkey praising his so called works with you and your idiotic study friends."

"Well…" Serenity shrugged when she had dressed in a short black skirt and a white woolly top. "I will go anyway."

Trying to pass him by he grabbed her upper arm turning her around.

"I said you won't go." He almost growled at her, his eyes icier than normal.

"Let go of me." She tried to free herself from his grasp but failed. "Who do you think you are telling me what to do?"

"Your fiancée." Seto hissed yanking at her arm to stop her from struggling.

"Fuck that! What fiancée are you? You're making me sick!" She fumed with anger realizing he didn't let go of her and the skin of her arm started to hurt. Certainly it would leave a bruise.

"So that's what you think of me?" He snorted and sent an unreadable glare at her.

"No, forget that. I think of you as a real pain, you know?" She hissed at him but with a fatal result.

Seto grabbed her by both of her upper arms and brought her close to him. Glaring at her as if to stab her with his icy gaze, he smirked but full of hatred and it scared her. In a moments time she had his mouth pressed against hers in a bruising kiss. She fought against the kiss and turned her head away but that only caused more anger in Seto who yanked her on his bed, with him on top of her. Her hands he held above her head in a tight and strong grip with one of his hands. The other hand pressed on her face he made her look at him. His thumb hurting already at her chin, she gazed at him with hatred and fear.

"You don't know what pain is, Serenity. You have no clue." He said so cold that it brought tears to her eyes. "I have you here and I don't. Everyday it's like your body is here with me but your soul is elsewhere and I don't even want to imagine where it might be. That's pain, Serenity, you know? And I am sick of that. I'm gonna show you real pain, my dear."

She found his forcing lips back on hers, bruising the skin.

His hand snaked up her skirt.

His grip won't loosen on her hands.

And he wouldn't stop hurting her.

Everything suddenly seemed far away for Serenity. She perfectly well knew what was happening and the hot wetness burning her skin had been her tears that ran down her face, oh so slowly. Her body went numb, hoping she would awake soon from this nightmare. The noise of unbuckling a belt was like a trigger to make her cry even more. She struggled one last time before pain made her stop even to blink with her eyes. Turning her head away from him, his harsh breaths rang in her mind.

It was one of the most hurtful things she would ever experience.

In body and soul.

Serenity didn't know how long it had been but after what had felt like an eternity Seto's body slumped down on her, not to stay like he used to, but to stand up. She didn't want to look into his eyes and turned to her side, pulling her knees up slightly.

Seto's look shifted to the pathetic creature lying on the bed while he made sure being dressed properly again. His normal piercing blue eyes were empty. Suddenly everything seemed to spin and he couldn't breathe anymore. He needed air. He needed freedom.

Serenity slightly was startled by the slamming of the bedroom's door. The room went into silence and it took her a while until she realized that she was all alone now. Pushing her skirt down, between her legs as if to shield her from another attack, she made one last sob before she slowly climbed off the bed. She was afraid her legs would give away any moment when she made her way like in trance down the staircase. She grabbed her coat and pulled it tightly around her when she left the house.

Then she began to run.

After a while she found herself thinking of where she even was to go to. Actually she wanted to be left alone. But above anything else she wanted to feel save. That only could be at Joey's place. Mindlessly she went the whole way to her old apartment, which must have been almost two miles but she didn't care. Her eyes followed her own steps, watching her own feet how they were walking on the different ground beneath.

Serenity needed to ring the bell, after being back with Seto; she wasn't in need of Joey's apartment anymore.

"Serenity!" Joey was surprised to see her and shocked seeing her in the condition she was in. Her face was so pale and her cheeks tearstained, her eyes looked red and swollen and somehow empty.

"Can I come back here, Joey?" She asked in a whisper and her brother nodded, not even thinking about her request.

Serenity brushed past her brother to her old room and closed immediately the door behind her. Joey wondered what had happened and decided to ask her but beforehand, he made a big hot cup of tea for her. Entering her room, he could have cried out in pain, seeing his sister crouched down on the bed. She sat with her legs pulled up and stared out of the window.

"Serenity?"

Joey put down the cup, noticing that she had changed her clothes, now wearing wide sweat pants and an old sweater she owned since they both had been children. She could feel his questioning eyes on her and turned to face him.

"Thank you." She didn't respond directly.

"What's happened?" He asked but thought that he had a slight clue. He wasn't to know that it was even worse. "Is everything okay between you and Kaiba?"

The girl shook her head sadly. "No." Her voice croaked hoarsely. "Seto… we had a row. Please, Joey, can you leave me alone for a while?"

Joey was to protest but respected her request and nodded before he left the room.

-

_End of flashback_

-

End of chapter four.


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five 

-

What was I supposed to say? Seto Kaiba raped me. I wasn't even sure about that but it slowly dawned on me. He had sex with me against my will, wasn't that rape? He had hurt me, my body and soul. It still pained me, not my body but my soul. I couldn't tell anyone right now.

The words he had said to me still rang in my mind.

_You don't know what pain is, Serenity._

I thought I knew but he was right, I didn't know what pain is. And I didn't know what pain he was in because of me.

_I have you here and I don't._

_It's like your body is here with me but your soul is elsewhere._

That was true as well. My mind often was far from him, back in the days I was traveling around the world. I was thinking he didn't notice but he did. Of course, he wasn't stupid, after all.

_That's pain_.

I had hurt him as well. It took me more than one day to finally realize. My depressed self had hurt him every single day but he took it without complaining about me. He tried everything to make me feel good. Unfortunately that wasn't enough.

That evening, when I was to leave for that stupid discussion, I just pulled the straw that triggered all the anger that had built up inside of him. Pain was the cause but it used to result in anger with Seto, always.

I knew it was my entire fault.

Seto loved me but I disappointed him. Of course, there was no way excusing rape with being hurt but I wanted to understand his reasons and after three days of hanging around my room in Joey's apartment and missing my study I finally decided to go and face Seto. I hadn't told Joey about what had happened and I wouldn't want to, even if he begged me almost every day. I left him to think we had a simple row and when I told him I was going to see Seto, he even nodded understandingly.

_I hope you can sort this out._

That was what Joey was telling me when I left. How was I to know that I wouldn't have a chance to? With hope but skeptic as well I took the bus to the south of Domino, walking up the path that led to the Kaiba mansion. I remembered the day I was here the first time. The day I threw that stone.

_You don't know what you're getting yourself into. Involving with me could mean anything._

Seto had said those words at the beginning of our 'involvement'. Maybe that day he had already known that we would cause each other pain. Then again, not even he was sure about what he had meant. It was a feeling he had and it seemed like it had been truthful.

When I entered the hall everything seemed empty. It was silent, very silent. No one from the staff was around, no maid, nothing. I wondered if Seto was even at home. I wandered upwards, lightly touching the railing of the staircase. My heart beat fast and heavy but I can't say whether I was just nervous or scared. The living room was empty, as well as the kitchen, where Seto wasn't used to be often anyway. My breaths came in short puffs when my hand reached for the handle of the bedroom's door.

Slowly it opened and I shuddered looking inside. I could almost see me lying there on that bed that had probably been made neatly by one of the maids. Nevertheless I had pictures in my mind of Seto being on top of me, there. I was somehow glad he wasn't in the room. My body felt numb staring at the bed I used to share with him. The bed we had made love for the first time. I couldn't tear my gaze away.

Until a loud bang penetrated my ears. Startled I held my hand to my chest and took a deep breath before running down the corridor to where Seto's office was. I don't know why I knew the bang was coming from there. I just knew and a strange uncomfortable feeling was accompanying me. I stopped at the door. The silence had taken over again and it scared me slightly. Then I turned the door knob and entered the room.

The sight meeting me was shattering my whole self with one gaze. I was screaming, crying, but I wasn't heard.

Not to me at least.

In the end someone must have heard me though. The official police report read that Seto Kaiba must have committed suicide at around 6.30 pm, the time I was standing in our bedroom. If I had been faster, earlier or had looked in his office all above anything else, he would probably still be alive. Instead, while I was staring at that stupid bed of his, he was stuffing a bloody shotgun in his mouth and pulled the trigger.

I don't remember much from then on. My mind still just shows off single pictures, a man in a black suit showing off his police ID, the blood drenched carpet beneath Seto, his lifeless body in that chair with his head dangling backwards, my brother who soothingly stroked my back, a maid talking to one of the police officers, Mokuba fighting against the officers.

Mokuba was screaming, shouting and crying but I couldn't hear any noise around me as if I was deaf. I could see him struggle against the police officers who were shielding him and stopping the torn brother to go to his lost pride of a big brother and only family he had ever known. I remember that one second our looks met and what I could see in his eyes still sends shivers down my spine. I could feel his pain.

After I don't know how long I found myself sitting on the sofa next to Joey when a police officer approached us.

_-_

_Flashback_

_-_

"Ms. Wheeler?"

Serenity forced her eyes to look at the officer.

"There has been found a letter addressed to you and Mokuba Kaiba. Probably a farewell letter. If you want to follow me, you can read it."

The woman nodded mindlessly and followed the man into the kitchen where Mokuba Kaiba was sitting and reading the letter with an unreadable expression of numbness.

"Ms. Wheeler, I've already told Mr. Kaiba that of course, we're not allowed to read the letter but if you see anything suspicious, like something indicating a crime, I'm asking you to tell us."

Again Serenity just nodded, her eyes already been fixed on the letter. When Mokuba slowly dropped it he didn't look into her eyes. He just lifted the sheet of paper for her to reach. She took it with no hesitation.

_-_

_End of flashback_

_-_

I can't remember exactly what Seto had been written. It started with that he didn't want to write that bloody letter but it would be necessary and went on with apologizing to Mokuba. He begged his little brother for forgiveness and ended with the hope of Mokuba being grown up and able to live without him. Then my part should follow. Some sentences are still completely saved in my mind.

_I'm sorry for the pain I've caused you._

_The guilt I'm feeling is too much to bear._

_No one should be allowed living who's done the things I've done._

_Don't waste your life._

_All I want for you is to become happy._

_You can't become happy with me anymore._

Probably there had been even more but those sentences I clearly remember. After reading the letter I broke finally down. A police psychiatrist was to stand by my side and afterwards I should attend a therapy even. I did it for Joey but I've never ever told anyone about what had happened the last time I had seen Seto Kaiba, alive.

The therapy had helped me though. The more hours I spend with the psychiatrist the more it finally dawned on me what I couldn't believe at first. Seto had taken away his own life because of the guilt about his rape on me. He had certainly caused me pain but I would never have thought he'd go so far than to commit suicide. Still, sometimes, I can hardly believe it.

His soul was broken from the beginning but I tore it into thousands of tiny pieces, drove him insane and finally made him shot himself.

This is guilt what I have to live with.

If I was not to know what pain is, then certainly Seto Kaiba wasn't to know what guilt is. But I was a weak person who was used drowning in self-pity. And I had always been a positive person who had been thinking there was always a way that lightened things up again. The day of Seto's funeral should be my light and my darkness at the same time.

Seto was bedded in red velvet within the pitch black wooden coffin. He didn't look bad. He looked as if he was sleeping. If I hadn't seen him that day in his office with that huge ugly hole at the back of his head, I would probably not have that much problems shutting the picture out of my head. His face was pale, even paler than it had been before death. He was dressed in the white suit he should wear at our wedding. Odd, I know. But the people had done a good job so far if they hadn't combed his hair quite unlike him to the side.

The priest's speech went on and on but he didn't really mention anything important. He started with speaking about Seto's passion of Duel Monsters and how he once was World Champion; going on with the good things he did as the president of a multimillion concern, the Kaiba Corporation that had given the people game utilities and amusement parks all over the world. Praised also was Seto's high intelligence, creating new technique and virtual games, and then finally, Mokuba was mentioned and Seto's grand heart and love for his younger brother and only family.

I was mentioned in between with one sentence, that Seto left a lovely fiancée behind. I didn't care for myself anyway but for the things they've missed out about him. That rich character with the broken soul full of unknown feelings to everyone but his loved ones. Quite sad no one knew. All of his 'friends' were attending his funeral, too. Yugi, Tea, Tristan and the rest of that bunch as well as even Pegasus. But they knew nothing about Seto Kaiba, actually.

Joey was on my side and soothingly stroked my back, time after time, but actually I could have strangled him. No one should soothe me. Because of me there was a man lying in a coffin and I was the last person someone should think of with sympathy. My tears were running down my cheeks throughout the whole speech and I just couldn't stop them. The broken fiancée, so the people must have thought, but hell, I cried over my own guilt.

The only one who wasn't sorry for me was Mokuba. He avoided me completely but whenever he had no choice but to look at me, he rather glared deathly. I completely understand that he's blaming me for the death of his brother. The guy must have been torn. He had no one to turn to after all. I had Joey but didn't deserve him. Mokuba was alone now because of me. Thankfully, he had a fewer stubborn soul and let himself got soothed by people like Tea. But she wasn't Seto and no one could ever replace him.

Funerals are odd. I never attended one before in my life but I have seen some in movies. Seto's funeral was held in his own mansion. I never really knew he had such a big ball room like hall. I never really used the time at his home inspecting his mansion, anyway. However, the oddness of funerals comes from the fact that the dead body within its coffin is standing even after the speeches in a room for the people to come and show their grief.

I sat on a chair and watched the different people go by Seto's dead body, some of them stood, some of them even talked in front of him. Most of them were the closest to him than ever before in their pathetic lives. I had been waiting for dinner time, so that most of the guests were occupied, before I finally went to say goodbye to Seto.

_-_

_Flashback_

_-_

Serenity slowly walked to the open coffin where Seto was bedded in and touched lightly the wooden frame. A small warm smile appeared on her face even though hot tears were still running down her cold cheeks. She thought of words to tell but knowing he wouldn't hear them anyway, there seemed nothing adequate to say, as sad as it was.

"Seto…" She whispered when her trembling hand reached out to touch his face ever so lightly and careful.

Her fingers traced across his cheek that was cold, very cold, and her thumb brushed across his chin. Blinking away more tears she reached with the same hand into her pocket and took out the neck chain that she had taken with her the morning after she had spent the night with him for Marik and herself. Slowly she let it drop down on him in front of his neatly placed hands on his stomach.

"It's yours. I'm sorry I've taken it." Her whispering voice was quivering and she put her hands on the sides of the coffin again.

"I don't deserve this." Serenity was talking about him committing suicide because of her.

The tears suddenly became unstoppable and ran down mercilessly, making her view completely blurry. Her legs seemed to shake and she expected them to give away any second. The moment they did, she wasn't prepared for someone catching her.

Joey.

"Serenity!" He cried out when he caught her and tried to lift her back up.

"Joey," she said in surprise but thankful. "Can you please bring me outside? I need air."

Joey nodded and helped her outside where she was to sit down on a chair in the garden. Even there were people and maids serving them food and drinks but she shut them out. After a while Tristan came along and told her his grief. She simply nodded, thankful when finally everyone was leaving her alone. Of course, she had to ask them to but they obeyed.

It was an evening like the one when she was at the Kaiba mansion for the first time. Closing her eyes she tried to shut out the memories in her confused mind. It seemed so full and she couldn't think anymore. Yet it was empty and lonely. She sighed and stood up to walk to a stand where some drinks had been placed and grabbed a glass of water that soothingly went down her throat.

"Serenity?"

The woman couldn't believe her ears when she heard that voice and when she turned to face the person calling her, she almost couldn't believe her eyes.

"Marik." She said in a surprised breath. "You're here."

The fact wasn't to ignore. Marik took a deep breath.

"Well, my sister Ishizu, you know her, she was to go here and… Odion's here too… and therefore…" Then he sighed sadly. "I know I should probably not have come here. I was the last person _he_ had wanted to see. I can't blame anyone."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. You show your grief, that's good." Serenity tried to make him feel better. Actually she was glad to see him, wherever this might have been.

Marik slightly snorted.

"Mokuba glares at me every time he sees me. I bet he would like to stab me right away." He replied and his gaze shifted down to the glass of water in his hand.

"That makes two of us."

Marik hadn't expected that answer and his eyes darted upwards again, meeting Serenity's sad big hazel eyes. She smiled sadly.

"What about if we go for a walk? Would you accompany me, Marik? I really need to escape all these people for a while."

Slowly but certain he nodded to her reply and they started to walk to the back yard that was behind the huge mansion. It was like a little forest but belonged still to the Kaibas. Serenity had been there a few times before, most of the time she was alone. Seto didn't like the garden and was busy with work anyway. It had been just too pretty to ignore for her.

"I'm sorry, Serenity, I mean Kaiba… well, doing that." Marik wanted to tell her his grief.

"Thank you." She replied in merely a whisper.

"You've seen him, haven't you? It must have been awful." He was so sorry for her and it pained him seeing her torn like that.

Marik had no clue why Kaiba would ever do such thing as to shoot himself and he couldn't imagine why in the world anyone would ever do that to a lovely girl like Serenity. The only reason he could think of was Kaiba's work. Everything had based on business in Kaiba's life and whatever must have gone wrong, had caused him to kill himself.

"I found him." A cold hoarse answer came out of the woman's mouth before she turned to face Marik. "Can we please talk about something else? Anything."

"Yes, of course." He nodded and wondered how he could be so stupid than to even ask her about her painful experience.

"How's work? Anything new and interesting for me to see in the museum?"

"Actually, yes. Ishizu has brought many new sculptures and stone walls from Egypt. The exhibition starts next month. I'd be glad seeing you there. That is, if you're still interested?"

_-_

_End of flashback_

_-_

Seto had wished me to become happy, hadn't he? I had been happy with Marik and to no one's surprise I found myself in the exhibition of his the next month. Things came how things had to come and we were back together. I needed comfort and was lonely. Joey mothering me was getting on my nerves but alone, I didn't want to be. In very short time I moved back in with Marik. His new apartment was somehow different to ours had been but I didn't care. As long as a warm body was next to me in the cold bed I was happy.

I thought I was. My secret keeping with me Marik had no clue what had happened between me and Seto before he died. That was none of Marik's business I thought, though it was hard not to tell him the cause of my own changes. He probably reasoned my behavior coming from grief. He was very understanding when it came to Seto and the grief I should have felt.

Marik never mentioned Seto, though. He didn't dare asking and I was glad. It would probably have been better to tell him if we were to live a proper and happy relationship. I just couldn't talk about it. He once or twice dared to ask a question, like if I was to know the reason for Seto's suicide but he asked wrong, asked if it had been because of his work. I simply nodded, that was much easier than to tell the truth.

Seto's farewell letter was in Mokuba's property and even if I wished sometimes to read it once again, I wasn't able to ask the raven haired man who once liked me very much. But I tried to keep his words saved in my mind, even though I was back with Marik. Every Sunday morning I was going for a walk to the gates of the Kaiba residence where I wasn't allowed in anymore. Unfortunately Seto's grave, having been a rich man, was on his ground, his property and I couldn't even visit his grave once from the day on of his funeral. That was the one time I saw the gray stone showing how young he had died, just at the age of twenty-seven. Mokuba had ordered to imprint a small dragon above the letters showing Seto Kaiba.

Nevertheless, I often thought about Seto and this time I wasn't strong enough blocking those thoughts from out of my mind, even if I tried. It all started being back with Marik. Every day I had to face pictures in my mind. I don't know where they had come from so suddenly. I never really remembered them during the time with Seto but now that he wasn't in this world anymore, I saw details I had forgotten.

_On Christmas day Seto had been sitting on his red carpet with an amused smile playing on his lips when Mokuba and I were unwrapping gifts._

How could I forget that?

_My first flight with the Dragon-Jet had been on Seto's lap when I was too scared sitting behind him on the passenger's seat which he had taken with utter confusion but later, when we were flying, he had a proper smile on his face._

How could I forget the cute dimples showing when he smiled that full and rich but rare smile just for me to see?

_On a sunny and cold winter's day we stayed in bed, too lazy standing up, we were talking about our ex lovers and I told him about Tristan who had been my boyfriend but wasn't allowed going any further than to kiss me which Seto had taken with a trademark smirk._

How could I forget about being his pride?

_On his birthday he drowned his cell phone into a glass of water because he wanted to be left in peace, only having his loved ones around: Mokuba and I._

How could I forget his selfishness, which could only be vanished and banned by people as me?

_One day I crashed his car at an accident with a man driving by rules and though it was entirely my own fault, he shrugged it off and gave the poor man a lecture he wouldn't forget._

How could I forget his stubborn nature and perfectionism?

I had forgotten such as these things throughout our 'second' relationship and even before, when I was cheating on him with Marik. More and more guilt filled my emotions up to their maximum with every new day. I knew I had done so much mistakes and I didn't know where to start if I wanted to count them. I regretted so damn much that the pain got too much to bear.

I regret throwing that stone that caused both of us coming together.

I regret telling Seto that I loved him that caused me to get involved with him.

I regret cheating on him that caused me leaving him.

I regret leaving him that caused him pain and being all alone.

I regret spending the night with Seto when I was together with Marik that caused me to realize that I still loved Seto.

I regret telling Marik about the night that caused him to leave me.

I regret going back to Seto that caused him to become mad by every day he had to cope with me.

I regret almost anything but not to have loved him.

I still do and I miss him.

I want to be with him again.

Marik is such a dear and I love him and his faithful soul. He has a hard time to cope with me and my depressive nature but sometimes I wonder if he even takes notice of that. Merely five weeks ago he asked me to become his wife. He had taken me out for dinner and had given me a wonderful silver ring with the request of marrying him. I smiled and said yes. Later, that night, I couldn't sleep. I stood up while Marik was sleeping and went into the bathroom.

I needed to pull off that ring as if it was burning my skin. Of course, I had to put it back on and reluctantly I did. Five weeks to think about the reason for my allergy against his ring and it finally dawned on me. It wasn't a real allergy, the ring wasn't too small, nor was it too big. It fit my finger perfectly.

It just doesn't belong there.

Today I have taken it off and I don't even want to look at it, there lying on the sink while I'm bathing my guilt filled body. Just one more day to our wedding and while Marik is out with friends I wanted to stay here in our apartment and take a soothing hot bath out of good reasons.

I can't become Mrs. Marik Ishtar.

I should have become Mrs. Seto Kaiba and I will. How that should happen lies beneath the surface of our minds, in my own possession.

Maybe I should have told Joey that I was sorry but I'm not even worth the letters on the paper if I wrote a letter, though he'd certainly deserve it.

Of course, I want Marik to become happy and he deserves to know my reasons as well but I want him to find out himself. He had always found answers, even if no one ever told him, and he would find his answers again.

The blade is glistening with its shiny metallic material. I can see myself mirroring in it but the picture's distorted, just like my original soul. But it will be like it has been before. I will be happy and I will be thankful and I will make it better.

Together with Seto.

-

End of chapter five.


	6. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

-

Serenity Wheeler sliced her wrists in the night before her wedding.

Her fiancée found the twenty-three year old woman in the evening within the cold water of the bathtub surrounded by her own blood. She has been buried on a small graveyard in the east of Domino. All of her friends were attending the burial where a small black stone was on her grave, showing her name in golden letters. Beyond one word was imprinted in hollow yet shiny letters.

Innocence.

Joey was sure he had chosen the right word to describe his sister. How was he supposed to know that she had thought otherwise about herself?

Joey Wheeler moved out of Domino after his sister's death to the town his fiancée Mai had been coming from originally. They married and were happy to achieve two wonderful children, a boy called Michael Joseph and a girl named Joanna Serenity. Every weekend for as long as his long life should last Joey would drive the long way to Domino and visit his sister's grave to put down flowers and sometimes even pictures of his children, and to tell her about his family. She should know what happened in his life and he was sure she could hear him that way.

Mokuba Kaiba was a tyrant as the president of Kaiba Corporation. He had developed into a bitter and heartless man full of hatred. He hadn't been happy enough to grow an own family and died rather young at the age of thirty-four at a rare sort of cancer. He left two children out of marriage, both of them living with their different mothers. Because of that fact they weren't able to come to an agreement about the inheritance including the multimillion-company. Kaiba Corporation got split in many pieces and was sold to other business men. The children either became one half of the returns of selling Kaiba Corporation.

Marik Ishtar stayed in Domino, doing his low life job. He married three years after Serenity's death a young Chinese woman who he had got to know at an exhibition at the museum. She actually knew nothing about art but was a pretty girl and had a lovely soul. She bore three children for Marik. He had lived a happy life, after all.

-

**The end.**


End file.
